Full-Embodied Joy

I want to talk about shine. Shine is the unique individual essence that you are. It's what makes you glow, laugh and feel loved, like dancing around and being a goofball and it's also your innate response to showing up in the world. The shine I am referring to doesn’t come from approval or what you do for another person. This is not smiling through tears, this not performing darling. It comes from within. It is your joy for living and your individual spark and flair, this innate essence that's uniquely yours, that is not dependent on another person's approval. No one can steal it from you, and it can’t be destroyed, people can only shame you into turning it down but it’s yours to shine brightly if you so choose.

What I want to say about shine is it is what's behind a baby's laugh I think it is part of what makes us excited and happy to be alive and to experience life. It’s what makes the puppies tail wag.

What I want to say about shine is, it is innate, it comes out naturally when we feel safe and loved. It's not something you have to work for, as adult people I think we can do things to actively encourage our shine I don't really think that it's in something that we do the shine encourage us to do things maybe that's what I mean.  When we feel safe to be our true self our shiny selves our magical selves Our shine our unique innate essence is what drives us to move inspires us to move it comes from within and as adults we get this backwards.

What I wanna say is that shine is also the unique individual essence that you are. I love pets. I'm going to use pets as an example, every dog and cat I meet glows and shines, dogs are overall more outgoing and lighthearted and give away their shine, smiling and wagging at strangers. cats are more reserved and you have to earn their respect and trust to really see their shine but its deep and affectionate and well worth the earning.  Then they go to the individual cat and dog and I know each has their own individual quirks are the individual essences. Every dog and cat I know has a different personality.

My dog Zeke was a fox terrier he is feisty and has a more elegant and determined walk than my other dog. Louis was a big Airedale terrier his walk was prancing and a little goofy and full of energy. Zeke would sleep through the night with me, and my other dog Louie was a dog who liked to patrol in the evening and would wander around at night after sleeping for a while. Louie was a high energy big play baby and Zeke was more of a cuddly dog than Louie.  Louie loves language was play and food. Zeke was pretty quiet he would bark at other dogs yes for sure but other than that he wasn't very vocal, Louie on the other hand was a big talker and almost like the Husky videos that you can look up on YouTube where it seems like they're really are trying to say something with Louie, it was cookie please or outside or I want you to come outside with me and play. What I want to say is there is no right way to show up and shine and the way you show up and shine is more innate and is distinctly yours.

Louie on the left and Zeke on the right.

I also think of my brother Noah when I think about shine, he was severely physically disabled from an injury he sustained as a baby and despite this Noah was the happiest individual I have ever known his shine was contagious.

When he was anticipating doing something he loved or doing it he would glow, like sunshine, spreading across his face in a wild grin beaming out of every inch of his body.

Things that brought out the sunshine in Noah

his favorite movies: Home Alone 1 and 2, Singing in the Rain, Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof, Aladdin, Annie, Top Gun and Elf, ohh Brother Where Out Thou, how did I forget that one, these are the top favorites

his favorite music: the king singers’ , old music my parents, Simon and Garfunkel, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Peter Paul and Mary and Raffi

Favorite foods: chocolate pudding cheeto puffs

Favorite activities: going to school - he loved being with people so I think that's why he like school, it got him out and about in the world. Hanging out with favorite caretakers( Monica, I hope you see this) , car rides with bumps, windy days, wrapping paper noises and noise makers keyboards drums bells things that he could make noise with or other people could make noise with but he also enjoyed doing it himself.

Favorite people: my mom - caring for him and doing silly things with him, glowing at him being goofy, my dad playing with noisemakers being goofy and finding him contraptions that he liked playing with.  Jonah: being a goofball and making noises. I sure I did things, I would always make sure he has favorite movie going and sometimes I would read him and I would he loved  sneezing sounds and thought they were hilarious and I would do fake sneezing and I also liked giving him head massages when he wasn't feeling good.

All these are the top favorite activities and you could tell, despite him being immobile, wheel chair bound and not able to speak with words, by how he responded, joy was embodied physically, he would smile with his whole body stretching out his legs making his wheelchair creak and then stretching his arms out shaking , s his face beaming, as his whole body shakes with ecstatic joy he was like this all the time unless he was in pain or hungry he was always glowing always shining that's why I say it's an essence. He was a social butterfly because he also would get his the smile and glow when people would come up and talk to him his shine and glow was contagious I watched each of his favorite movies a thousands of times with him and I never got tired of it because it was so much fun to be in joy with Noah. This is what unapologetic joy and enthusiasm looks like this is what it looks like to have your shine on full blast with no self-consciousness.

 We all have this individual essence, this shine, this is our individual magic, our individual essence as, we grow older in our world we trade our shine, our individual magic, for gray social approval.

It hit me when I said personality quirks earlier because to me quirks is an adjective I like but also one that I feel like is used to describe our characteristics as not like the others and it’s a kind of singling out kind and I'm here to quote the Backstreet Boys “what makes you different Makes You Beautiful” come to me with your quirks and I will show you how you are beautiful. The quirks are how you like to show up, your personality and your personal preferences, your unique essence.

What blocks our shine I believe is shame, limiting beliefs around perfectionism and standing out and our worthiness but really all limiting beliefs are going to block out our shine because they will direct how free we are to move and express ourselves, people pleasing, performing and trying to mold ourselves into what people need and want. I'm going to be bold and say that the world may think they need you to be a certain way but that's just because they can't see the gifts that come from you being 100% fully who you truly were meant to be.

We are each glow and bubble machines. I think it's our life purpose to figure out what makes ourselves glow strong and vibrant. What makes us glow and beam joy and laugh. What makes us bubble, coo and giggle. I call it a glow and bubble machine because we light up and then we coo and as adults even adults coo when they have real delight real delights make you coo, giggle and squeal.  Joy and shine from your essence your joy of life , tickles up from your feet through your cheeks coming up from your soul.  I think it's our natural state, our homeostasis to be in joy - is also a steady peacefulness and flow, because of how easily babies go back once calmed and soothed.

You are inherently worthy to glow and bubble it is your birthright no amount of mess made, heartbreak, actions taken when not fully feeling loved or worthy can take away this inherent worth and sovereignty.

I think true friendships are two or more individuals who take the time to insert coins into each other's glow and bubble machines. True friends enjoy seeing each other light up and bubbling with glee. You might light up each other and you find out what lights you both up. Now I'm going to be really weird with my analogy and say that when you get this harmony right we are like a pinball machine, bells are ringing and we shine with aesthetic joy, joy bounces off, reverberating, it feels electric, we keep running back and forth putting coins in each other's machines because it's so much fun and you can also put coins in your own machine too, just so you know.

What I'm really trying to say is, joy is contagious. Joy is generous. Joy wants to see everyone glowing. Joy is lit up.  joy is each person has their own moment. Joy is there for Joy's sake. Joy makes hats and gives hats to everyone. Joy makes hats because joy loves making hats. Joy collects rocks. Enthusiastic joy is busy buzzing around and playing to be taken back by others who think your weird for being bright and happy, peaceful and content.

This is an invitation for you to do the work so that you can shine brightly, as the unique essence that you are.  I love to shine but seeing other people, like, feeling another person shine in that way, like the way my brother shined, it's contagious. And I want to see every single person in the world light up that way. I want to feel it.  There's not a one-size-fits-all recipe for this. What works for my brother to shine or me won't work for another person to shine, but I feel like the source that's behind the shining is the same, in the sense that it's your life's essence that's shining through. You, each person, have been given this gift of life’s essence, this enthusiasm, this joy for living. I guess that's what it is, joy for living. And it's not something you have to earn. It's not something that you have to go find, really. It's something that the world told you to stop shining because they wanted you to go do something more productive, or someone made you feel shameful for it. And it's actually like a dirty (shame covered) lantern. Clean off your dirty lantern and shine your light brightly. Shining your light bright and unapologetically is your come back